It's my Party and i'll Cry if i Want to
by MariskaRose
Summary: Why is Alexandra Cabot so annoyed and feeling alone? Sorry, im bad at summary's please Read and Review xxXXXxxOneShot


A/N: Hi, i've not posted a SVU fic for while and i thought i would post this small one off fic. Sorry if you don't like but please read and review and i hope you do like it! SOPHIE XX

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What happens when you never fit in? When everyone around you has a laugh, and you don't quite get the joke. Maybe you are the joke, maybe you aren't.

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She barely has friends outside the walls of work, and yet she doesn't quite have any inside. Sure, they talk to her, but she can't shake the feeling they dislike her. She understands why. They fight to bring the criminal in, and to them it's blatantly obvious he's done it, but then she comes, plays Devils Advocate, and tells them that any decent defence attorney will throw it all out of the window. She's the one who finds mistakes in their policing, if there is any, who can't get warrants quickly enough, who can't prosecute. She understands if they see her as the weakest link.

She remembers last time it happened, a young girl died, she saw the look in Elliot's eyes, of betrayal, disappointment. She signed on for a tough time, from the people she was prosecuting, hell, even from other attorneys, but not from the colleagues she tried to help. She looked at the group before her, watched them eat lunch together. She had a salad in a small Tupperware box, she made it that morning. She watched Olivia stand up and do a large impression of someone they knew. The rest of them laughed, tears streaming down their faces. They started talking again in hushed voices, occasionally cracking up in laughter. Back to hushed voices. Normally things like that didn't bother her, and she didn't understand why it should today, but for some reason it did. She didn't know why she was lying to herself she knew exactly why. A single hot tear slid down her face and she quickly cleared it up. No one could see Alexandra Cabot cry. Never. She walked over to them and they stopped talking, immediately.

"Alex," Fin said, "You wanna join us?" She looked at him. Smiled and he smiled back. She turned and looked at them all, they were giving her funny looks, she was just stood there, far away and tired.

"Sure," she replied softly. Munch dragged up a seat and she took it grateful to be sitting, a part of the group. They ate in barely almost silence.

"We're going to watch a movie tonight, do you want to come?" Elliot asked her. She looked up at him, her chin trembled slightly, and her eyes watered the slightest bit. She had worked with them for years and they still didn't know, or if they didn't they didn't acknowledge it. She did, to each of them. She always tried. She couldn't believe she was getting so worked up about it, it was just a day.

"Erm..i can't tonight, I'm sorry…" she told them "I got a case to prepare."

"Alex, about the Henderson case, I want to speak to you about it. Could you just hang back when you've finished today?" Cragen asked. He was eating with them today, part of the fun. He didn't normally. Why was he today? She nodded, ignoring it.

"Yeah of course," she replied, grateful for an escape clause. She closed her tupperware box, finished her salad. Everyone else had finished their lunch.

"Come on Liv, we got to go speak with the Shannon Mathers' parents." Elliot declared to everyone. She watched them stand up.

"Meet you all back here at 4 then," Olivia called back as they made their way out of the precinct. Munch and Fin took their cue to leave her.

"We got to go canvas the area, Alex, keep you in business," Fin told her, the last comment a joke. She smiled weakly. Cragen walked them out, talking to them and then there was none, but Alexandra Cabot. Alone. Tupperware box clutched to on her knee. She hastily placed in her bag and walked out.

The next three hours passed uneventfully. She sat and watched the world pass her by. She got a call off a friend. They spoke for a little while,

"We should meet up some time," she told Alex.

"Yeah," she replied. "How's this Saturday?"

"Sure thing, I'll call you in a couple of days, to arrange something properly," she told her. "Speak to you soon."

"Yeah," Alex replied. Se didn't expect Phillipa to know, they'd barely spoken to each other in months. Her time to leave approached and she saw Munch, Fin, Olivia and Elliot, at the door about to leave, they waved at her and she smiled back, thumbs up. She entered Cragens office.

"Alex thanks," he said pointing to a seat, but she'd already taken it.

"I've been speaking to CPS, if they take Abigail Stanton in to care, they cannot ensure that her new parents will allow her to testify," Cragen told her. She frowned.

"Ok. Well then have we enough evidence to prosecute without the little girls testimony?" Alex asked.

"No. Not yet, I'll get them on it though," Cragen replied.

"Good. I'll get on to CPS, see what I can do. If not, I'll get Judge Maccinsfield to see if we can bring the trial date forward." She sighed. "Anything else?"

She watched the man before his eyes looked down as if scrambling for words. Is that what she did to people? Make them feel uncomfortable? Maybe she did, that's why they forgot.

"Yeah," Cragen said, "I need you to get a warrant for the arrest of Michael Sharp. His DNA was on file from a previous arrest and it came back as a match to the one from the used condom.." She arched a brow, she hadn't heard about the material. Something else they'd kept from her. Not that it was her job, to know everything as it was coming in. She dealt with the information that they presented to her. It might have been nice to know.

"Of course, I'll call at chambers first thing tomorrow and get it written and signed." She told him getting ready to leave.

"Er, Alex, could you call them now!" Cragen said quickly, throwing a lab report in her face. She looked at him strangely and then turned away, her hand going for his phone and she dialled the number for Judge Stevens.

"Hi this is Alexandra Cabot, I need an arrest warrant drawing up for Michael Sharp, his DNA is on the condom used in a sexual assault," she told the harassed Judge.

"I'll fax it over now…ok thank you!" Alex finished the call. I'll pick the warrant up first thing tomorrow morning, and bring it to you right away. I'll be here at 8.30 am with it ok?" she told the head of SVU. He nodded his head, as she started to leave.

"I'm coming back to yours," he told her. She stopped dead and turned slowly to face him.

"What?" she asked puzzled. No one did this to her, what was going on.

"Well, I'm alone Alex, and you're the closest person to a friend I have on this relief so please, I just want to talk to someone," Cragen rambled. It was as if the words exploded from his mouth. She watched him and thought about what they were all laughing at earlier. Maybe it was all a big joke, and they'd all laugh about Alex Cabot taking Donald Cragen back to hers, for a drink.

"Sure," she answered. They both left the building together, and went in Cragen's car. She couldn't believe a man could drive so slowly. He made a call on his cell phone to Fin.

"Hi, is everything ok? I mean did you get tickets to that Movie?" he asked. Alex looked at him. He smiled reassuringly at her.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Why are you coming?" the man's voice replied over the phone. She stared back out the window, she didn't have Fin's number. She wanted it.

"No, I'm going back to Alex's with her now," Cragen told him and she heard the laughing on the phone, from the other end. She rolled her eyes. Right, thanks a lot, she thought. Playing in to their little joke. Cragen disconnected and smiled at her. The rest of the journey was in silence, an uncomfortable silence. She directed him to her apartment and then they got out and walked up the stairs together. One of her neighbours poked their head out and smiled at her. Not a friendly smile, one of those smiles that you know exactly what she's thinking. 'Alex Cabot, coming home with an older man.' She ignored her. She was nothing but a busy body anyway.

She walked up to her door and took her key out and slid it in thelock. She turned the lock slowly, wanting to go to bed, now having a guest to entertain. She opened the door and allowed Cragen in to her home. She flicked the lights on.

"SURPRISE!" people shouted and 15 people jumped up. Fin, Munch, Olivia and Elliot ran forward.

"Happy Birthday Alex!" they said smiling offering her a drink. She smile, shocked. They hadn't forgotten. They weren't laughing at her, and the only secret they had was a birthday party.She had the greates firends in the world and now she knew. She felt stupid that sheever thought she didn't have friends. Even Phillipa was here, how they got her number she had no idea! She smiled at how wonderful her friends actually were, and she never felt more grateful than she did now.She turned to look at Cragen smiling, as Munch passed her a drink of something smelling strong, vodka and coke.

"What you think we'd forgotten," was all Cragen said and turned and joined in the party!


End file.
